My list of albums that I have listened to on repeat

google sheet here, this is not yet exhaustive.

Taylor Swift's Midnights 3am edition (the Midnight Buddha edition)

Intro

My qualifications: I am no true Swifty, but I have been listening to Midnights a LOT. I'm only top 2% of Spotify Taylor Swift listeners in 2024, but I am top 0.005% in listens to the first song of Midnights, Lavendar Haze. And I often started the album in the middle on The Great War! I am a true Midnights Swifty. I listened to this album for months just because I loved it. Then I began realizing how well the lyrics fit the Buddhist and neuroscience ideas I've been learning and trying to explain. That was sometime in 2023. I've since spent many late nights letting this album wash over me, many private dance parties. Heres's what I hear.

General theory

Midnights is Taylor reflecting on her love life and the consciousness journey it brought to her. Taylor outlines the album in the first 4 songs. She defines 2 kinds of love and then talks about the related struggles. She grows while she cycles through these struggles for the rest of the album.Taylor also references her relationship with John Mayer, which began when she was 19. The power dynamic was messed up, but he gave her the first snow on the beach moment. Only later did she understand the setup. Rumination is a trend, her best memories turned against her. Taylor gives us a gift by giving voice to the different benefits and struggles of love.

Lavendar Haze explains the reward Taylor gets from romance, this blissful state that spurs her imagination. She enjoys the benefits of love without marriage. When Taylor is up late at night, the lavender haze helps with her imagination. In the music video, her date is asleep while Taylor is having a grand time with her own mind. Maroon is deeper love, a new color to play with, the kind that can cause pain and lasting memories. These two colors define the main 2 types of relationships T has, and now we explore them through Taylor's romantic journey. One comes with a tangible benefit no matter the results, and the second brings pain through rumination. Anti-Hero is about how Taylor relates to being a relative monster. Creativity and fame have consequences, and that busy world is the setting in which Taylor's love story takes place. Snow On The Beach is a seeming miracle, a dream come to life. This can also be seen as watching karma coming together, maybe with the hand of a Mastermind? As mentioned at the top, John Mayer might haunt this song. That's part of why this song is repeated on the Til Dawn version, when Taylor can make her own miracles come to life.

You're On Your Own Kid starts the story, Taylor dedicating herself to her romantic dreams but failing to get the attention of the one she was crushing on. That rejection pushed Taylor towards music, she fell in love with that, the byproduct of lavendar haze. Midnight Rain is the other side of the same coin, Taylor gets the love she wanted, but she was already on a different growth path pursuing her career, she couldn't stay. Question...? is Taylor starting to get used to using her powers. Vigilante Shit is about dressing for revenge, taking and enjoying power.

Bejeweled is a continuation of Vigilante Shit but positive. Taylor is asserting herself and shining on her own, she's having fun with it. She's diamond strong, cleaning up her act, doing her own thing. Labyrinth, Taylor is trapped within her own mind. She has built a kingdom in her mind but now she's fallen in love again. Her lavender kingdom is falling to new maroon love. Despite growth, she is hitting the same cycle of issues.Karma is one of the lessons Taylor learned from her years of relationships. This is her consciousness journey. The Witness, the part of you that is always there aware, Taylor sits back and sees her journey. She sees how true the law of Karma is. Karma is the science of cause and effect. (The 3-person relationship is as unsolved as the 3 body problem). But we know good vibes travel. Sweet Nothing is Taylor celebrating destressing through love. She has learned to leave the toxicity behind and now gets pure comfort from her partner. With her prolonged focus on ego through career, Taylor is tired and has found new relief. In Mastermind, Taylor writes her own story having perfected her craft. There ends the story, the original album ends. Taylor dropped the 3am edition by surprise at 3am that same night, with 7 more songs.

We start with The Great War, dealing with fame and love mixing, The Swift army is strong. Taylor nearly loses a relationship with their attack, Joe Alwyn in this case. Bigger Than The Whole Sky follows up with the end of a relationship despite the potential. She suffers and feels her sadness is contagious. Paris is Taylor back on her game. After having reached Mastermind status, she is now able to achieve peak imagination and fun in the present. She is in Paris, the peak of romance, wherever she goes. High Infidelity

describes some of the possible problems, like being judged or neglected. Glitch is Lavendar Haze turning Maroon, this is a good problem to have now. Would've, Could've, Should've is trauma from past love that still lingers, in this case her relationship with John Mayer when she was 19 and he was 32. It was a 'Snow on the Beach' moment that lead to something questionable, but now Taylor's karma is in control. Dear Reader is Taylor's final advice from all those years of love. Taylor tells her listeners to run, to abandon their past. That if you think you might be you are already trapped. Attachment traps us, preventing personal spiritual growth. Let'ts take a second to ask where this is coming from, how this is very buddhist. The present moment is the only moment we ever inhabit. Everything is impermanent, and everything is connected. Taylor is able to see her Karma in action. Abandon everything seems a bit bleak, but we are defined by the things we cling to. Cycles of romance have come with a cost, Taylor shares so we may fare better. When Taylor gets real at 3am, she becomes the Midnight Buddha. In the search for why, Taylor answers with love, her own recipe for romance of different shades.

If you loop the album, it goes back to Lavendar Haze and Maroon, the two types of love Taylor pursues. These 2 colors stand as Taylor's answers to life's hardest questions. In a relative world, Taylor finds meaning in the fun of romance and the world of love. 217 days later Taylor releases the 'Til Dawn' edition with a new song, Hits Different. It's about an inevitable consequences of a successful relationship that ends, and dealing with new levels of heartbreak. The music is upbeat, Taylor is sad but for good reasons. I hope that after reading the below song by song breakdown, Midnights will hit different for you.

Kesha's Rainbow

This is Kesha post dr luke. It's an amazing album, strong throughout and supercharged. I'm surprised I hadn't heard this album earlier.

Kendrick GNX

I've been looping this a lot, it goes hard. Kendrick running 6 miles every morning making me feel bad about the Big Sean title earlier. But I stand by it in context, Kendrick was mid-Drake beef with only Mr. Morale since 2017. I am so thankful to Drake for the beef because Kendrick had been looking for a rap battle for a while. 'Not Like Us' is looking prophetic, not just with Diddy but with the accelerating class war. Shareholders and non-shareholders is captor, owner language. There are people who make money from what they do, and there are people who make money by having money. The second group buys a % of future profits from what the first group does. My proposal: money should be paid in money, not ownership. To compromise, half of all profits minimum should go to the people who actually run the business, labor.

Other in progress

Last Wednesday by Chris Webby, another strong album.

Logic has a new EP, 14 minutes. A posthumous Mac Miller album was released at the same time, he recorded it in 2014. It is more musical than rap focused, it's beautiful in a way I need more time listening to describe.

Big Sean is the best role model in rap

This album for me isn't about bangers, it's consistently smooth and has a strong theme and message. It is mostly slow and fun for the beginning, bouncy, and then later into the 1+ hour he goes hard. Big Sean hits different here, he is preaching living better, but he's not leaving his fun self behind. He isn't going out as much, but he's still embracing the mix of being a hustler, pimp, player, lover and father. This is a great motivational album, it's like a well-structured sandwich. The meat of it is this positive core message, a few songs talking about his life, growth, and pursuing goals. There's a Kanye diss-track. The rest is the bread and veggies, all working well together, but some songs like the first few are musical carbs keeping the thing together. I think it is a balanced meal, I can loop this album and get something out of it without it interrupting what I'm doing. It's stacks on stacks on stacks like a BLT.

K-Love positivity radio, and my modern music equivalent

Positivity and positive self talk is more than a pleasant notion or wishful advice. Your brain is a computer that is constantly editing itself based upon your interactions with the thoughts and feelings that it throws at you. You are what you think. You don't have to be an optimist to take advantage of the scienifically-proven value of positivity. You don't have to be religious. You just have to give your thoughts space and ask if they are helpful or not. If not, there is no benefit to engaging. All you do by ruminating is further imprint your problems into your brain.

To further the positivity cause, I have created a playlist that looks to do the same as K-love but with music I love. It is a lot of introspective/positive hiphop. There is something special about rap swagger, advocating supreme confidence. To me, it's a more accesible christian rock. It is much better music, and it doesn't ask you to put your faith in god, it tells you to believe in you. To reflect this, the playlist is called "The Chosen One". You should have a massive ego, a humble one, that understands empathy. We are more than human, we are gods in the making. Love, Beezus.

NF has a new album

"Hope" is the title of his latest album. I am a big fan of this and his past 2 albums. "Clouds" (the mixtape) is the shortest and most accessible of the 3, on repeat I only skip "Story" because it is a story song about a robbery. NF is a very introspective rapper, "The Search" has smooth production and delivery, and in his self-development arc he is at a middle point where he has already confronted his issues and been working through them. "Hope" follows in the mold of The Search, except NF is further along his development path, and the music is not as pop-friendly.

Mello Music's Bushido

Great rap album, this has been my go-to for a few months now. One of the standout songs for me is Yours Truly, for the lyrics and the distinctive beat.

K.A.A.N.'s Kaizen

I am a big fan of this artist, especially this album. It fits the self love theme of this blog because it is about growth. It explores the term kaizen, which describes incremental change. "An abundance of elegance in the ways that I've grown, The omittance of arrogance, I've corrected my tone"... "I'm in love with the process, not the contents 'cause I know my identity". KAAN is focused on process over product. He's not concerned about the result because he is confident in his vision, he knows that he will be just fine if he continues on his path.

Carl's Cut- Chance's Big Day and why you should listen again

This is one of my favorite rap albums of the past few years, but it didn't have a ton of popular success. Many attribute it to Chance talking about marriage, and maybe that doesn't do the same as sex and drugs. I attribute it primarily to the song order. Let me walk you through what I hear in my order:

Roo. Immediately he establishes where he is from, and is focused on his confidence and love for his brother. There is self love and brotherly love. Not a marriage album yet. C1
The Big Day. Deceptively named, this song screams self love to me. "I can't believe it, must be the luckiest guy alive, somehow I arrived.", "But we're only going to survive if we go crazy" -an initial warning. Later he is glad "you arrived". He later goes "Fuck money, shit, fuck, shit, tell 'em, burn it, I don't wanna, get it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, Fuck it, Yeah, uh, uh, Still wanna, drink it, fuck it, drink it, drink it, fuck it, shoot it, I don't wanna, just get it, get it, get it, get it (That shit is so hard) Oh, Lord". This is him struggling with the urges. Throughout this song theoretically about a wedding, there is no proof of a bride yet, or anything outside of this man's mind. This may seem a bit out there to you, but here is the end of the song: "In the simulation, This is the only part I like, Or I might just be a molecule of Christ, Folding in a universe of dust and light, Or maybe we're just molecules in the body of Christ". Not a marriage album yet. C2
Let's Go On The Run. This one has Chance mainly singing to a girl, and is trying to run away with her. And a woman singing back who wants to run away. Not a marriage album yet.
Handsome. This is mostly bravado club-romance rap. Chance talking about his wild past. Not a marriage album yet.C3
Big Fish. This is the "switch". He ends the first part by calling out labels for not supporting marriage as a concept that he can sing about. Like Kanye in Jesus Walks, "That means guns, sex, lies, videotape, But if I talk about God my record won't get played?". This song explains the transition to a marriage album. Chance felt like a big fish in a small pond, wild like in the previous songs, "I've seen hoes, I was always like "which witch?"". Then he was caught by something bigger and taken out of the pond. Definitely a marriage song.M1, C4
Ballin Flossin. A romance song, no marriage references though. The confidence is a theme as well. C5
4 quarters in the black skit. It sounds like a dad undercutting and criticizing his son. Taking credit. This is a self love skit, the setup. Dealing with the critics. C6
5 Year Plan. Self love and self confidence song, Chance gives us advice on how to believe in ourselves. C7
Get a Bag. Bravado and Romance again. C8
Slide Around. Bravado and Romance, long term relationship leaning. M2 C9
Sun Come Down. Romance and talking about his own death, and confidence in oneself. M3 C10
A Good One. About not being single no more. M4
Our House skit (I don't include Town On the Hill, too slow and doesn't seem to fit). Celebrates mom and dad being married. M5
Zanies and Fools. Talks more directly about the Confidence given to him through his Relationship. Self love and embracing great hope. M6, C11
All Day Long. Confidence. C12
Do you Remember? Nostalgic Confidence. C13
Eternal. Romance and Confidence. C14
Hot Shower. Fun song but doesn't really fit the album outside of the Confidence theme. C15
We Go High. Chance has his ego humbled through his failures in his relationship. As we go to the end of the album, he reveals the final conflict in this ego saga. He is humbled and is able to explain "I had to let go of the flesh first". C16, M6
I Got You. This is a Love Victory song, celebrating an always and forever bond. This is my last song. M7
Photo Ops skit. This does not fit as a final song, but it does serve as a great transition into Roo and a restart of this playlist. It grounds you back into the perspective of Chance and his brother as children getting torn down verbally.

(Link to Playlist)

'Hey I'm Just like You', the other You, and self love in love songs

The Scientific Foundation:

Okay so I'm a lazy writer but avid listener/daydreamer, so I've been thinking about this album for years now, and I only get more convinced each listen, that this album is a masterpiece. The adventures of wise mind and growth, this album is the best exploration of self love that I've found. -2022

The above video explains the concept of another "you" inside of your brain. I've long liked the concept of thinking of love songs as one part of myself singing to me. If you are single, this trick can turn potentially sad songs into introspective ballads. It doesn't work all of the time, but it really seems like some artists write to this style. Carly Rae Jepsen is great material for this, her use of neutral pronouns and lyrical style promotes it well. I was actually going to write about her album "Dedicated", with the song below lining up with the 'you is two' concept. This song would be the scene where the right brain, after trying to speak out through the use of music, after being just a witness for the most part, takes control and sings, but is also renouncing their temporary control of the 'words' in exchance for more control over the sound, or more control over HOW the individual goes about their life, while letting them choose the WHAT or figure out the WHY on their own later. I also hear snippets in all of Billie Eilish's music that fit, with self love at the core of her most recent album. The song "my future" is directly about singing a love song to her future self.

At this time, I was listening to 'Hey I'm Just like You' on repeat often, and after I heard a lyric in this light, I couldn't not hear it. Maybe parts of this are obvious, but I argue that every character in this album is a different part of the same person. They are the performer and the audience, and that relationship evolves as they age. To demonstrate, I will break down the key lyrics from each song below. One important item to note first is the nature of this album. Tegan and Sara took material from their high school days and made music with the help of that. They wrote this album right as they were approaching the age of 40. Turning 30 soon myself, I vibe with the material. They are talking about how to grow with yourself, a midlife crisis of sorts, from the persective of a high schooler and a 40-year old simultaneously. Your relationship with yourself is the center of this album. The plot that ties the songs together is this self relationship evolving over time.

Hold My Breath Until I Die

The core concept of this song confused me but it starts with brain concept (also found in The Fall) that the "we" we most associate with is a stream of consciousness. Not a single unbroken thought, but the cumulative thoughts that you pile up while awake. That is the immediate "you". This song is taking comfort in the temporary nature of feelings, that even if you feel bad now, another "you" will have a slightly different slate that they work with, and it isn't "your" problem now. If you hold your breath as long as you can, you pass out, lose consciousness, and other parts of your brain take over. When you "wake up", your brain has already been changed directly as it edits things during sleep. This starts our story by establishing that the MC is curious about how the brain works and is interested in manipulating it because of some level of struggle.

Hey, I'm Just like You

"Stranded and I'm so lost, my mind is wired Overcome and overdone, my fate is on fire Eat the drugs and dance to screaming in my head I'm so happy that we're friends, me and you"

"Together in the light, I swear all for you Tonight in the dark, we're seeing colors"

The first other 'self' we are introduced is the confident, drug-fueled self. T&S have talked before about their LSD use when they were young. A litte messed up and unsure of yourself, you lean on this version of yourself, it's "fun you". As the chorus emphasizes, there is a lot of power in this full embracement of self that the lifestyle enables. She feels empowered by this inner self she has found, and the relationship they've established.

I’ll Be Back Someday

Now our main character is bored with their current/past self, and they are boldly going outward. They are not killing their past self necessarily, but they are ditching it in any direction, like an animal in a trap. they have found that they have been lying to themselves, or not living up to their own expectations and know that to get to where they want to be, they can't stay here. We hit a fun-damental problem with the brain and consciousness: it is fully shaped by the past, it wants to guess the future, and it only exists in the now. Knowing what she knows about

Don’t Believe the Things They Tell You (They Lie)

This song directly talks about a struggle with self love in the verses. The chorus discusses lying, pushing you to learn for yourself, question everything even if it is coming from yourself. The "They" in the title is both the voices of other people and the inner voices of the MC. In terms of brain science, thoughts and feelings aren't really directly controllable, only how we react to them. MC feels burned by their brain in its current state, and is trying to reevaluate her relationship with her brain.

Hello, I’m Right Here

This song goes back to the consciousness theme of the first song. 'Until I've done all that I can', that until could refer to until the day is over. "Hello, I'm right here" is the answer to that potential 'death', fully embracing the present

I Don’t Owe You Anything

The struggle is full-fledged, the MC has reverted back in their ways many times, but she have reached a limit. She trying to cast off her past self, still acknowledging how she wants to go back to that lifestyle. She is announcing her departure.

I Know I’m Not the Only One

This song is honoring the different 'selves', and moving on despite it. There is a duet here, maybe this is the most complicated song. ( they give it away with the 'yours' to 'my' words I think, follow up on it)

Please Help Me

In the struggle to be who they want to be, she is facing the fear of failure and not sure how to proceed. "needed a plaace to rest my head", she is embracing this current self that is giving her some ground to stand on, a foundation. "who am I to disagree? who am I to fall apart?" I resonate with this line because reality is what it is, acceptance is just part of observing reality objectively, what do you achieve by making yourself feel bad about what you do 'wrong'? You can learn like reading a book about someone else, but overly judging yourself doesn't do anything productive. You can just live as best you can. (wanted something better than this) She is facing the doubts while being thankful "who am I disagree" really does hit well, she is thankful for who she has been and the comforting music makes it sound like the comfort is working against the doubts

Keep Them Close ’Cause They Will Fuck You Too

Here we start to solve the problem. Starting something new can be hard. But now we have a self that is helpful. It seems to be that inner self from before, but now evolved. Instead of working against her inner selves, she is incorporating them in herself a bit.

We Don’t Have Fun When We’re Together Anymore

The title describes the stage in the relationship with the youthful and/or drug-related persona. She is tired of her own bullshit. It also works well the angle of the inner right brain (RB) talking to her. She is tired of the drinking, tired of all the crap she is doing that never takes the time to enjoy her own mind. She is only ever bored and then trying to do something else. Now RB lamenting not being able to help. "Promised myself I wouldn't let you get this way this time'... 'what you gonna do whe you wake up in someone else's head?'. 'All we get when we get together is bored'. Her relationship with herself is at its lowpoint. She is stuck, "close my eyes and fall behind", sleep is not a sufficient escape for her because her behaviors have her trapped. "Have another drink it'll make you cool, it'll make you you". It's a cycle she's grown acccustomted to, and she is not getting anything from it anymore.

You Go Away and I Don’t Mind

The stage of acceptance is here, she is ready to leave her past self behind. She still feels the same way, but wants to grow. "it's your mind that matters most, it's your mind that makes you mine" describes the relationship of RB on the nose, RB is singing to her here. As much as she wants to leave this part of herself in the past, she is now on better terms with the parts she is choosing to leave behind.

All I Have to Give the World Is Me

"Faced Myself in the Mirror Last night, I looked for things you said you liked The person I am when no one's around, The girl I don't want to be found"

(chorus)

"All I have to give this world is me, and that's it All I have to show this world is me, and that's it Just me, just me, just me And that's it"

"Convinced myself not to be so strange I hope I still take your breath away I look in the mirror, I see the face The one who worries, it can change You don't have to change, you don't have to change You don't have to change"

"Staring down my two halves in the glass Feels like a heart attack Telling me to choose one or the other I get so panicked I don't wanna lose, but if I choose love What will happen then? Staring down my two halves in the glass What then? Go ahead and choose, go ahead and choose Go ahead and choose"

That's kind of most of the song, but it all seems to finally be explicitly talking about her two inner selves, her inner (RB) self and the active consciousness that is her. The chorus brings home the idea of embracing yourself as you are, and being yourself unabashedly. She has finally realized that theres only one, herself, her divisions are all self-made. Her choice of who to be is moot because all she can do is be herself. In the process, she is learning how to love herself. The song ends with conflict, "I don't wanna lose, but if I choose love, What will happen then? Staring down my two halves in the glass What then". I think this conflict is saying, 'if I choose to love myself, how do I resolve what I am versus what I want to be?' But earlier she says "Don't you ever wanna change?", I think her choice to love herself is her motivation to want change, to move towards who she knows she is in comparison to who she sees in the mirror.

Read “Hold My Breath Until I Die” by Tegan and Sara on Genius